Author Arleen Jennings

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make or break

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Guest Blog, make or break, written by my oldest daughter, Karen.

I am human and imperfect. I have down days. Self image issues at times. Feelings of inadequacy. I worry about parenthood. Am I good enough? Strong enough? Life is a juggling act. The responsibilities, endless. I fear that I may drop one ball or another at any moment. Someone or something will suffer. Because I am incapable.

Karen I have never felt this more than in motherhood. I have been blessed with two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. But for reasons beyond my control, I could not naturally deliver either. My uterus is uniquely shaped, making it impossible for my babies to turn and instead stay in breech positions resulting in cesarean births. I have struggled with this fact and at times felt “less than woman”. How could I possibly be as physically strong or mentally tough as the women who deliver their babies naturally? And some with no epidural?! They talk about the exhilarating feeling of joy and relief that ensues after near unbearable hours of pain and exhaustion. I envy their accomplishments. I will never share their experiences. I am unable to ever one up my husband with the child birth card. No. My birth story is something quite different.

It’s called major surgery. I don’t feel a thing. Just lay on the operating table quietly listening to the doctors work. And then a mere fifteen minutes later, I hear the most precious sound coming from behind the curtain. My baby’s first cries and gasps of air in the new world. It brings tears to my eyes. And I continue to lay there quietly as the doctors now have the harder job of putting me back together. The nurses are busy caring for my baby. Cleaning her up. Testing her Apgar scores. My husband is able to hold her and bond. I am alone. Nearly an hour passes by before I am sewn up and moved from the operating room. I finally get to hold my baby. And this is just the beginning of the road to recovery I’ll be on for the next 6-8 weeks.Karen run4

“Don’t lift anything heavier than your newborn baby.” Tell that to your two year old who is feeling displaced by the small intruder. “Take pain medication every two to four hours.” Forget and you’ll wish you hadn’t. “Limit stairs.” In a two story house. “Whatever you think you can do, take it down a notch.” These are not brag worthy feats. There’s nothing heroic about this version of childbirth.

Now I question everything. My body. My emotions. Will I ever be myself again? Baby blues set in. Fortunately, this is something that only lasts a month or so for me, but it takes it’s toll on my psyche. I feel beaten down.

I ran through each pregnancy. With my second, I completed five 5k’s. My coworkers and friends thought I was crazy. Told me to slow down. “Is that good for you?” “What does your doctor say?” It was perfectly safe and kept me sane, so I continued as long as I could, even into the third trimester.

Karen runSo when my second child was 8 weeks old, I decided it was time to start running again. I was amazed at my renewed energy and ability to push through the pain. I went from two miles to three in a week’s time. I decided to do a four mile race shortly after.

This race changed me.

My goal was to finish the race without walking. Seems simple. Except that I hadn’t run more than three miles at any one time post baby. And I had only been running for three weeks. By mile 2, I wanted to walk. And then it occurred to me. For all those times I questioned my motherhood because I had “only” undergone surgery, I was determined to run the whole race. Prove to myself that I am strong. I am capable. I am mother. I can totally do this. I started running harder.

Each moment that passed, my body struggled more. I told myself to just keep moving. I spoke life to my body. Literally. As I ran, I thought about all of the things I CAN do. The woman I AM. And I spoke the words to myself. “Mind over body. Spirit over soul. Heart over lungs.” Each a symbol of the obstacles I was overcoming as I persevered. My legs and abdomen cramping. Breathing heavy. Mouth parched. Will I ever make it?

My husband was also running the race. He was much too far ahead in the four mile course to see. But historically, he finishes the race and comes back to push me on the last leg. So as I passed mile three, I expected his return to get me to the finish. I ran a little further with the hope that I would see him any minute. I needed him. He’s always there for me. Supporting me. But not this time. This was my race. My battle. No one else could do it for me.

Karen run2

Karen and baby after 4 mile race.

With a quarter mile to go, I had a steep hill ahead of me. It’s now or never. Am I going to quit? Walk? Is the road too tough? The way too narrow? The weight too much to bear? I pressed on. I am woman. I am God’s creation. He has given me talents and abilities. I WILL do this.

As I crested the top of the hill, I saw the final inspiration I needed. My husband and two year old son were running to me in the distance, not far from the finish line. “Mommy! Mommy!” I could hear him yelling. Huge smile on his face. God had met me in my darkest hour. But it was at a point in the race much farther than I thought I could go alone. And it was then that I KNEW.

It’s not about childbirth at all. It’s about make or break experiences. Tackling challenges head on. Not being confined to the limits in my mind. Giving it my all. It’s not my circumstances that define me, but what I do with them. My worth is not in titles or how well I stack up to the competition. I am a stronger, better person than I have ever been because I have experienced more life than ever before.

I am God’s creation. And by His grace and mercy, I am CAPABLE. To be all that I am required to be, to the fullest. Woman. Wife. Friend. And Mom.

I’m the author of: Created to be Creative
to purchase my book  Click Here
eBook available

running and a drink

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Though I am not a runner, I run everywhere. I’m not sure this qualifies me to write about running, but I do have distance runners in my family and have gone to races.  I would like to share some of my observations about running and a drink.

Let’s start with a marathon.  There are those who train and run with purpose and passion; their objective? To win the race.  There are those who aim to win among their own age group and gender; this helps keep the race competitive as the pack thins.  Then there are those who run to accomplish a life goal, to be able to say they’ve run a marathon.

Runners come from all walks of life and age groups. They also come with a diversity of reasons for putting themselves through such a grueling task, yet they all have one common goal: to finish the race.

To help those participating, there are designated water stations set up all along the course. This way the runners can plan ahead for when they will get a drink. The competitive runners know how much water they need and at what point their body will begin to crave fluid.  They also realize too much water will bog them down and not enough will cause them to cramp up.  Even those in the best physical shape, who have done the maximum amount of training, still need hydration to remain strong throughout the race.

Another external factor that helps distance runners is the fans. Cheers!  Good work, you can do it!  You got this! Great job! Pace yourself and keep your head up!  Etc. A side point here is that you don’t have to relate to the runner to cheer him or her on.

Now follow me to a 5K race.  Although the distance is much shorter, there’s still a water station (at most races).  The competitive runners at this distance will run right by without stopping.  Yet those who are new to running or for those who might not be in the best shape are thankful for a cup of water.  Again, cheers from fans are also helpful. These things are enough to keep them going and help them reach their goal, the finish line.

No matter how long–or how short–the race, it’s an accomplishment; not simply to participate but to finish to the best of one’s ability.

I equate running to life. We’re all at different places, with different strengths and abilities. We have different circumstances and different struggles. I’m sure most of us can tell stories of difficult times, things we’ve had to work through or overcome.  Some of these challenges would be equivalent to running a marathon, grueling and long.  Others are more like a 5K and usually manageable.  However, sometimes smaller experiences – the ones that might not appear to be a big deal to some, especially to those who have gone through “harder” times – are still a challenge to the people going through them.  They have to make up their minds, at that point, to conquer the circumstance and not allow it to cause them to stumble or quit.

the finish of the 4 mile race

the finish of the 4 mile race

Think about this for a second, though. What if that marathoner looked at the one who just struggled to finish a 5K and said, “You thought that was hard? I just ran a marathon.” Sure, a marathon is difficult, but at this moment – this season – a 5K is difficult for the other runner. A comment like that would simply downplay the struggle, making the runner feel like it shouldn’t be so hard, and possibly discourage them from continuing. A simple change in words could make all the difference. Remember, everyone has to “start” somewhere and no one starts by running a marathon! So for those of you who are strong – be an encourager, offer a drink of water to those who wish to join you but simply aren’t there yet.

The bottom line?  There are times in all our lives when we need a refreshing drink of water.  When we need someone to cheer us on. It can be as simple as a kind word, or an encouraging note from a friend or co-worker.  Or it can be bigger; like a job offer or a good report from a doctor.  Either way, things like this give us the boost we need to keep running.  This doesn’t mean all our problems will go away or that the present challenge will suddenly be over, but every little bit of encouragement helps.

Feeling refreshed and/or having hope renewed is a powerful thing; it gives us strength to continue.  As Ecclesiastes 9:11 tells us, “…The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all.”  Even the strongest people can come up against unforeseen problems or set-backs and need help. There is no shame in that; just as the experienced marathon runners need to occasionally grab a cup of water or be reminded by the fans that they can do it, so do we! Let’s be willing to accept help when necessary and offer help when needed, so we can all finish our race well.

art speaks

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This is a faithful saying, and these things I want you to affirm constantly, that those who have believed in God should be careful to maintain good works.  These things are good and profitable to men.  Titus 3:8

Art Speaks is an excerpt from chapter 12 of my book. I don’t do this very often, but I’ve been thinking about this subject a lot lately.  So instead of re-writing something very similar, this section gets straight to the point.

The message art conveys can be very strong.  Yet, in many instances, the message has been one of degradation.  We live in a society that claims to be progressive, where anything goes, and many progressive thinkers have no problem preaching their gospel of immorality and situational ethics through the arts.  Behaviors once considered a reproach are now commonplace because the unregenerate took a stand for their cause and their voice became louder than the voice of righteousness.  Entertainment, for example, has become quite seductive by steadily displaying lowered moral values.  We must not overlook the fact that art speaks.  “There are, it may be, so many kinds of languages in the world, and none of them is without significance” (1Corinthians 14:10).  These voices can be good or bad, right or wrong, and our silence or unwillingness to participate in a positive light has allowed darkness to dominate culture and art.

Colored Pencil by Arleen Jennings

“Hope for the Hurting”
Colored Pencil by Arleen Jennings

Parts of society even want to intimidate and silence the Christian voice by preaching tolerance.  But their idea of tolerance would, in many cases, simply compromise moral standards in order to choose ungodly lifestyles without guilt—blind to the fact that their day of reckoning will come.  If we surrender to this pressure, it renders us powerless while we silently and willingly watch people die without hope.  However, the gospel of Jesus Christ can be preached in love, without condoning sin.  As Christians, we should be more concerned about winning souls than being politically correct.  It’s time to become godly activists, eager to combat irreverent voices with art inspired by the Creator Himself.

Jesus gave us gifts and talents to gain entry into peoples’ hearts, but to do so, we must take heed to Romans 12:2, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  When transformation becomes important to us—to be and act more like God and less like the world—we will walk in confidence and be enabled to display godly character through the arts.

Excerpt from “Created to be Creative, find purpose and fulfillment through creative outlets”

I’m the author of: Created to be Creative
to purchase my book  Click Here
eBook available

worn well, well worn

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I have a tendency to be rough on my hands. I like to garden, renovate old spaces, refurbish and/or build things. My hands bear the brunt of these labors and often become calloused and rough. Therefore, a few years back I got myself a really nice pair of work gloves.  I used them occasionally, but not for the really dirty jobs. They were too nice and I didn’t want to destroy them.

My newest project includes stripping varnish that’s several decades old, from my open staircase and trying to sand out at least some of the dings and gouges.  At first, I tried rubber gloves, but they kept getting holes in them; so I finally got out my good gloves. They protected my hands from the stripper and worked fantastic when using the steel wool and rough sand paper. gloves 2But here was my dilemma; they started getting yucky and tattered from the process. I know it probably seems silly to worry about a pair of gloves, but I’ve always been so frugal I didn’t want to destroy them. Then I realized there is no value in the gloves if I think they are too valuable to use.  When something is worn well it often becomes well worn. The gloves were a great blessing and though I will need to get a new pair they protected my hands and helped me accomplish my task of getting the stairs ready to stain.

In this light, I thought of other things I won’t use because I don’t want to wear them out. I also thought of things I’ve been given as keepsakes that collect dust.  If I used them, eventually they would wear out and I would have to get rid of them.  Again, do mug 2they have so much value that they become worthless?  For example, I was given a really neat looking thermal soda can cooler from Australia. I would use it every now and again, but I don’t drink much soda, so I put it in a cupboard, protected but out of sight.  Well, my coffee mug is eight years old and the rubber piece that went around the middle wore out and is now gone. So I thought, I’ll use the can cooler from Australia to give my mug some grip and then I can see and enjoy this gift every single day.  But then it started to look worn, so I quit using it. Now I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to destroy the gift, but I don’t want to just put it back in the cupboard for the next twenty years either. Writing this blog made me choose and I decided, “It’s worn well, so it’s worth it to be well worn.” I will have much more enjoyment from using it than I would if it was just stuck up in my cupboard for safe keeping.  Maybe, after I use it a while longer, I’ll find a place for it on a self.

It’s like when my daughter had to give up and throw away her first pair of “Toms”. tomsShe wore those shoes so much that they had holes clean through.  It wasn’t that she couldn’t afford new ones; she has several pairs, in a variety of colors.  There was just something special about that first pair.  They held value beyond their comfort, but the reality is that they were well worn because they were worn well.  It goes both ways.

Most things have value because of their purpose. The more we use them, the more we say they are worth it to us to have them. When their usefulness is done, we start with something new.

So is it worth having a keepsake that lasts a lifetime, but it’s literally never used or even seen – or is it better to use something to its max, find value and purpose in it and then move on?  I will let you decide.

I’m the author of: Created to be Creative
to purchase my book  Click Here
eBook available

 

enjoying GOD

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“O my soul, thou art capable of enjoying God; woe to you if thou art contented with anything less than God.” Francis DeSales

I’m amazed that the God of all the universe knows each one of us by name.  Even more incredible is the fact that He cares about our lives!  Think about this: we have the opportunity to know Him—the Creator of heaven and earth—on a personal level. We have been blessed with the privilege to commune with Him and to enjoy His presence.  Ps 16:11 says, “You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”Francis Quote

You could say, “That must take a lot of faith to believe something so marvelous could be true!”  Not really; I’ve had too many encounters with the Almighty not to believe.  Plus, to put a face on His omnipotence, he became a man and walked among us. Ultimately, Jesus gave us the greatest sacrifice known to man – His Life. What an amazing God, awesome in every way. Oh that we would hunger and thirst after Him. That we might “know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings…” Phil 3:10 That we would repay the favor He has shown us by being totally and passionately committed unto Him in all we do and say.

We sing a song in our church, “You’re all I want, You’re all I need…” and I’m always convicted, because no matter how much I love Jesus, there are times when I’ve taken His love and presence for granted.  How about you? Is your passion for God as strong, or stronger, than when you first believed? Or has the joy of your salvation diminished over time? That can happen in relationships if we are not mindful.  Most of the time we don’t do it on purpose, it just happens.  We get busy. We don’t communicate as much. Just as it takes work to keep our earthly relationships strong, the same is true when it comes to living in the fullness of all that God has for us.

The cry of my heart should be like that of David’s in Ps 63:8, “My soul follows hard after You…”  In modern terms we could say, “I gladly pursue you because you are so worth it.”  If we could truly comprehend the love of God, the significance of His presence in our lives, the purpose for our being, it would change us. So much so, that nothing else would satisfy.

Though we’ve been created with the capacity to fellowship with God; how much we actually enjoy Him is determined solely by our actions. God tells us through the prophet Jeremiah, “And you will SEEK ME and FIND ME, when you Search for ME with ALL YOUR HEART.” (29:13) This should not be hard, though it does take time and effort. Nor should it seem like drudgery, especially when the outcome is fullness of joy.  To be engulfed in God’s glorious presence. It’s His presence which guides us along right paths, where the love of God so fills us that it freely flows through us. Where others are drawn to Jesus, because we serve Him with a willing and joyful heart.

Ps 149:1-5 admonishes us to, “Praise the Lord! Sing to the Lord a new song, and His praise in the assembly of saints. Let Israel rejoice in their Maker; let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise His name with the dance; Let them sing praises to Him with the timbrel and harp. For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the humble with salvation. Let the saints be joyful in glory; Let them sing aloud on their beds.”

If the Lord takes pleasure in us, how much more should we delight to take pleasure in Him?!

Isa 57:15  “For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.”

I’m the author of: Created to be Creative
to purchase my book  Click Here
eBook available